To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
