What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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