Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Pants are for mortals
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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