If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just forgot I was standing up.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
