I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
