I understand Curling. That high.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
