You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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