Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
