My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
