I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize