it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
