I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize