Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
