Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
