So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
