guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i drank out of a bidet.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
