why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You need a sexual gate keeper
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
