it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
