he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
