Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
