Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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