it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
