There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
bring money and cleavage
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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