I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
