You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
