Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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