Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
