Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
