dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
