And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
