She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize