just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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