Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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