I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
