guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
