I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
