just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
