Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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