literally had 100 drinks last night.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
