I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
