Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
