This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
