the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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