my sisters under your porch take her home
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize