i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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