another moral hangover. fuck.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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