I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
