You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I believe in your delicious
I need to calm my uterus...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize