96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
