Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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