I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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