Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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