The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
