Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
