hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
