So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
