we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
