he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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