I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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