While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
