he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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