until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize