"it" just moved
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
