SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I cut my penus on the lid.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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