my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
