PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Go christen that room with your naked body.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
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