is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
