maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize