Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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