Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
