what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
