worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
