Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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