watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
