Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
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