she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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