I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
