it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
