We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Let's paint friendship bongs
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
