I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
