nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
