At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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