Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
