can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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