i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
