How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
