Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
