Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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