just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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